The Naked Truth

I was very excited because I was visiting my village in winter after three years. Its so beautiful there, mild cold winds with pleasantly warm sun in afternoon and all dry and green fields. Always dreaming about chana sag, raw gud (a form of sugar) and guava from my garden. The excitement was even fueled by thinking about playing cricket in sweet winter evenings with the respectively younger but highly affectionate pals. But the main reason, as usual, was the same, to see the family, to meet my elder sister who had come home as she was expecting a baby and my younger brother was coming home second time within a week only to meet me. Excited about spotting the brightness and glow in my mother’s eyes after seeing me as if I was visiting after a century. After all she is a mother. Although my papa doesn’t show it off but his face, voice and eyes cannot lie. But above all the satisfactory smile of my grandmother is heart wrenching. She greets me with such a love and happiness as if she has got a chance to visit a holy pilgrimage. She uses to take care of all my comfort even not being in so good health herself. Now I can understand her emotional smile in better way…….

Those six days were very pleasant and enjoyable. Even I extended my stay for two more days risking my ongoing project. During that one week I ate delicious food, played lots of cricket, enjoyed the family love and affection and got blessed by twin nieces. I came back to Mumbai to be away again as usual. But something was not to be usual this time …. I am going home again just after two weeks but this time there in nothing to be happy about. All the things, weather, cricket and green fields are the same…. But this time that satisfactory smile of my grandmother will not be there to welcome me. I didn’t understand her smile and desperate love until I lost her. It was her sense of insecurity which she was scared of. Now I can understand her very affectionate but saddened look while saying me goodbye every times. Probably she knew that any of these goodbyes can be her last goodbye to her beloved grandson. This thought never crossed my mind. I always thought that things will remain the same until my next visit. But now realize that I was fooling myself by not accepting and acknowledging the truth. I cannot even imagine how my home will be without her. Her alive face is always dancing in my mind. I am unable to accept this naked fact that she is no more to smile and hug me with affection. How can somebody disappear suddenly? Is it kind of some magic of God? I become restless when I realize that I can’t see her again. Many things in this world are uncertain but the uncertainty of life is the biggest one. The feeling of loosing someone forever cannot be expressed in words. I am sure the world will not change, we will forget it and adjust ourselves in her emptiness but why and where has she gone? I miss u too much dadi .. I love u….

May your soul rest in peace.